Last week, after a long, drawn out conversation, I realized that I am a hypocrite. 
I’m a hypocrite because in this conversation, this person was telling me all I wanted to hear, “I’m the kind of man that just views you for what’s between your ears, not what’s between your legs”. However, I just couldn’t give him the same consideration. It could be because our minds don’t align, or maybe I just don’t find him attractive, but if I want to be viewed a certain way, maybe the problem is that I’m not giving people the same respect.
First, this guy said something random about “my boyfriend”, maybe trying to ask if I had a boyfriend. When I didn’t clarify, he said straight out, “I know you have a boyfriend, and that is why I never tried to hit on you or anything” 

That’s when I lied and said that I had a boyfriend so I wasn’t obligated to anything. Even then, He asked me to get lunch with him, or study with him, to hang out with him so he can help fix my car, and the whole time I just wanted to get away from him. 

The transparency was alarming, and slightly pathetic. I really don’t want to be super mean to anyone, so I’m not going to be like, “fuck you. I’m leaving”, but I tried to drop a bunch of hits that I really wanted to go away. 

I walked to a the front parking lot. He was parked in the back, but followed me and said “well you can drive me to my car”. I really did not want to because this nigga does not know when to shut the fuck up, but I was stuck. I did it. 

We were all talking in a group, and a sexy man walked past and talked to us. My eyes were kinda fixed on the sexy guy, and this dude LITERALLY STEPS RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY LINE OF SIGHT! That’s cockblocking at its finest.

I mean, I’ve never said I was the most open minded. I am highly opinionated. I do have all this bullshit criteria. And that’s the fight I have with myself: keep an open mind, or have incredibly high standards (that only keep me happy on hump day).

Throughout this conversation, all I thought about was how I’d rather be talking to that sexy guy about something else. When I think of it, the sexy guy probably wants to talk to someone else about something else when he’s talking to me.

It’s a trap. Or a cycle. 

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